Hell Week

Im writing this now. I should be studying for a mid term that is %25 of my final grade, but I am of course, avoiding.

And now, I will vent, and blab.

Fin, you are an uptight fucking cunt for sooo many reasons. Please, for the sake of humanity, take a pill, because I swear to God, one day you are going to give your children a disorder by the sheer amount of crazy you shed at the most unimportant of things. Also, you didn't get the job, so stop acting like you are in charge.

On an unrelated note (well, slightly related, probably tangential), I cannot wait to leave here. I will be gone by October, and the fact that I don't know where I will be is so amazingly uplifting.

I came to college wanting to open up, and develop me. And I did that. I can take charge now. I can speak in public and introduce myself.

Then, I wanted a boyfriend. Someone to share my life with and I wanted to settle down and just hold someone while I slept. But I did that. I had a boyfriend. And while most of the relationship was built on an immense amount of his lies, I got the jist of the thing. And yeah, I still want kids, and I want to paint the room of the house he and I just bought, but it can wait. I've had my taste, I can wait to the main course.

And, I even traveled. I went abroad, in countries where English isn't the first language at that! I walked the streets at night with my headphones in, knowing that I didn't fit in, but I was strong enough to get by!

But now...now what? Im drifting. Im doing nothing. Im just waiting for the next thing. The next way to personal development, but I don't really know what that is yet. I know that it involves me going off on my own, helping people. But I don't know what Im trying to take away from it. More personal responsibility I guess? An appreciation for what I have..yea. But I don't really have a goal. I have an idea, but not a goal, and I kinda like that. It's just the drifting I can't stand. The time until I start the next part of my "journey", or whatever the fuck you wanna call it...

Calvin and Hobbes

We're talkinng about Hobbes in Political Theory. Now all I can think about it making a comic strip about a young boy and his imaginary Political Philosopher that believes that humans will easliy kill to secure their own self intrest. I think it would be funny. I'll call it Calvin and Hobbes. How original!

To A Resident:

Phil, You Are A Fucking Tool.



That is all.

Summer Lessons

I told Mom about the university's recomendation of off campus therapy. She told me to give her the names so that we could see which would work with the insurance. But, Im not sure if it's worth it. I've been holding this stuff in aand living with it for so long now. Who's to say I can't keep going with it?

When I was in middle school, I played the Baritone Horn. I was quite good too, second chair. Eventually, my music teacher suggested that take private lessons to get even better, maybe play on the state level. My mom paid twenty bucks a lesson to have me play for one hour during the summer. I quit later that year. All that money was for nothing. Im afraid that this therapy will be the same. Im afraid it won't be worth it, that I'll be wasting money to selfishly sit there and complain about my life for an hour a week. I don't wanna waste the money. I don't want these to be summer lessons.

So Much Shit

Oh my...so much shit is going down. I haven't established the rules to my blog yet, so I guess we are going to take this slow. First of all, I went to the shrink. I told her everything I told you, maybe more. More about myy strong relationship with my mom, and my severed (on my part) relationship with my brother. Did we go into that here, if not then we will eventally. Umm, told her about the sexual disfunction and the bus, and the insomnia.

She's recomended some off-campus people to go to, apparently the University's 12 visit limit isn't enough for the barrel of crazy that's Im working with. The good news is that she says Im probably not sexually disfunctional, Im just looking for instant gratification is all. Also, Im sleeping noramlly again. School starting up has really helped in taking the energy out of me.

I just need to stay positive. Stay positive. Right. I bought a quartz crystal to wear around my neck. I always wanted to be a guy with one of those earthy necklaces like that. I don't think it's working, but it looks nice.

Like I said, school started. Introductory reading is horrible, and makes me want to die. Also, my residents are back, but I have just realized that I have a floor of tools. I guess that's going to be another post.

I do have one solid rule for this blog. This writing is to be my thoughts. I am telling you the story as if you were in my head. That's why all of the writing is so fragmented and short. Anyway, writing this down has given me ideas for at least two more fragmented posts that Im sure no one will read. Now I just need to think of an

Im still alive

Yea, the blog is going to keep going. But, right now I have to get to reading about political ideology. More updates to come, and I'll be personalizing the page. Until then.

In Honor Of DCCised

DC

In your banner, you have a picture of some Washingotn DC building. In the picture, there is a lamp post. The glass shell of one of the lights is crocked. Hanging on by a thread. You are that shell. You don't belong where you are. You are different then the others. I have hope for you. You will be in a better place one day.

Actually, screw you, I want that stuff too.

Is love a finite comodity?

Let's hope not, so i don't have to stab some bitches...